RECONSTITUTED JOYCE
Fresh as a doozy Nationals leader, Barnaby ‘Jump For’ Joyce has hit the ground running, with his fists.
Joyce has restored calm with a can of petrol and a blowtorch. After less than a week, the stress has made Barnaby’s face move erratically with a Joyce Tick.
Country voters rejoiced that coal mines will keep warming the planet, saving farmers the costs of outdoor heating.
Barnaby Joyce and Scott Morrison agree on everything. But they disagree on everything else.
BABY TALK
According to a Liquor Cabinet member at a party room meeting, a government MP claimed working women are “outsourcing parenting”.
The Liberal MP Hollie Hughes shot back. “Thank you, boys, for telling us how to best raise our children.”
“Happy to help,” said the government MP.
Hollie Hughes chose another target. “Not all of us want to sit at home with our three-month-old watching Bluey,” she said, offending every parent with a three-month-old who watches Bluey.
Toddlers are up in arms – their parent’s arms. They have called for the voting age to be lowered to eight months, and free crayons be provided at all voting cribs.
SYDNEY/MELBOURNE RIVALRY HITS SCORCHING ROOM TEMPERATURE
In a drastic COVID tactic reflecting inter-city rivalry, Melbourne has banned people from Sydney.
Unfortunately, Sydney didn’t realise that Melbourne was a thing.
‘POST-WOKE ERA’ KNOWN AS ‘SLEEP’
Woke specialists, known as “complete and utter Wokers”, insist upon new…
